Do you ever wonder about the strange messages you seem to get when watching a favorite show? You synch with these shows because they appeal to your sense of the weird; or whimsy; or they feature really cute actors, or maybe some concoction of the three and then some. But usually, the ones that speak to our soul leave you pondering the words, the messages, the images…pondering who they can possibly speak to the person you are, every day, in the “real word”.

For me, I gravitate towards the weird, the wonderful, the dark, the twisted & the eccentric. I like a show that is original, that makes a statement. I began an Angel & Buffy fest this week, initially because I’d found out that Andy Hallett had passed. He played Lorn, the Host on Angel. He was a wonderful actor singer & human. I know this from meeting him at DragonCon many years ago, but that’s another story, and not the point of this writing, simply the instigator.

Watching these shows again, I am reminded of the higher messages that slip through when we’re being entertained by really good television. I was inspired to add a quote to my signature for my e-mails (yes, I’m one of THOSE people, that tags their e-mails with quotes that speak to them, and are probably rarely, if ever, read by the people that get their e-mails.) When I added this quote, I began thinking about why it spoke to me. The quote I added was this: “Strong is fighting. It’s hard & it’s painful & it’s every day.” Buffy says this to Angel, when they are arguing over the choice between carrying on in the face of adversity, loneliness and loss, or turning away from it all. In Angel’s case, he was literally walking into the sunlight. That could be a symbolic cleansing, I suppose, to burn away prior sins & fears with the light of the sun, but I tend to side with Buffy on this one; turning to the light is not always the answer, and is not always the strong, right choice. Sometimes we have to not only peer into the shadows, but we have to walk right into the dark.  Sometimes we can find our own answers in the shadows within our own souls, & we must plumb the depths of the pools within each others’ eyes.

What inspires you? When you are casually enjoying your favorite shows, and a line speaks to you, how does it resonate? Do you ask yourself why? Do you make note of the words, the tone, the context? I sometimes enjoy the academic exercise of placing the words or symbols within a literary or historical context. On the more personal front, I find that sometimes these lines inadvertently lead me to more relevant, personal insights.

To find ourselves, we have to take risks. We have to peek around the corner, then march bravely forward, even if we have no idea where we‘re marching. For myself, that also means walking along with my faith guiding me. I am not so egotistical to say that my faith is the right way, or the right companion for seeking self, but it works for me. My faith takes me in & out of the shadows, & continues to light my way. Strangely, Buffy even addressed the issue of faith, and fear, and th effect of these things on the mob mentality, overwhelming the individual. But again, that is a topic for another day.

Recently, I found I was pondering friendships, relationships, connections…why we crave these things, while still wanting to retain our own individuality. Why do we sometimes choose loneliness over companionship, because being lonely is also being safe. Being friends, even removed from romantic entanglements, is a risk. We have to open ourselves to others, to their needs. We risk making mistakes, and when we make mistakes, we not only risk hurting ourselves, but hurting others. I like to believe that most people do not strive to hurt others, or cavalierly toss it aside when it happens. Perhaps this is naiveté on my part, but I persist in this position. Walking in the sunlight is also walking alone. We cast shadows in the sunlight, and those shadows are mirrors of companions. Maybe walking in the shade or the shadows, is walking towards friends, or significant others, or people that fall somewhere in between platonic and romantic. We all need a smattering of all of the above, I think, to really live a full life. And this then allows us to be happy when we’re alone, too, because then we would simply be alone, and not lonely.

I find that sometimes being reminded of the thoughts and urges and motivations, even from the most unlikely sources, is refreshing. It’s not always comfortable, but usually it is enlightening. Ironic, to me, that in my case, enlightenment is often found by swimming through the shadows.

We are magical, mystical, amazing individuals, and I love that common, everyday things like TV shows can show us those magics.

Or, as Willow would say, “I am the magics.”

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